Acceptance

A few weeks after Thomas was born in June of 2011, I embarked on a quest to connect with other mothers of children with Down syndrome. I needed to not feel so alone in our family’s new journey. A few coffee and lunch dates later, I started to feel like having a child with Down syndrome wasn’t so rare after all. There are lots of people out there living (happily and fully!) as a parent of a child with Ds. The women I met with will never know how much it meant to me to hear their words of encouragement and, honestly, to see how their lives seemed pretty normal (whatever that means, right?).

Two of these women said something to me that I’ve thought about A LOT since then, especially lately. They both told me that they wouldn’t change their children for anything. At the time, it took me aback. How could you not wish your child didn’t have Ds?

Let me get something straight here: Chad and I have accepted Thomas EXACTLY as he is from the moment he was born. Before we even knew his Down syndrome diagnosis, we loved him for the person he is and the person he was going to become. The Ds diagnosis that came a few hours after he was born didn’t change that. I say this from the deepest part of me. There has not been a single moment in his life that I didn’t accept him.

That said, when he was a teeny, tiny baby, before I knew his awesome personality, before I’d seen his winning smile, before he had hugged me or blown me a kiss, I often wished he didn’t have Ds. It was going to cause such challenges in his life. People might not understand him. He was going to be “different.”

It made me mad that these women told me they didn’t wish their sons were any different. How could they say that? How could they be so naïve? Down syndrome can cause intellectual delays, physical issues, muscle weakness, heart defects, and the list goes on. How can you wish that on your child?

Well, I get it now. And I’m totally on board. I fully accept Thomas for who he is, as I always have. But now, I wouldn’t change a thing about him. {Ok, that’s a lie. I wish he didn’t have Hirschsprung’s Disease. Google it. Another story, another day.} But, I truthfully don’t think about him not having Ds. I don’t wish he didn’t. I’m not mad that he has it. IT’S WHO HE IS. And, I love him…every part of him…every chromosome of his…even that 21st one. They make him. And, he’s amazing. And Thomas wouldn’t be Thomas without that 21st chromosome.

I get it, ladies. I get it. And, I agree with you now. I wouldn’t change my boy for anything.

Thomas - age 3.5

Thomas – age 3.5